Is it me? Or was that a very strange week?
I can't exactly put my finger on why. On the surface it's been like any other week but there has been an unnerving undercurrent of wierdness going on for me.
Am I overtraining in the gym? I don't think so, it's going incredibly well and the article accompanying it is progressing nicely in draft form.
I wasted almost a complete day on Thursday by deciding I needed to go to the beach. I picked what I thought was a suitable destination..let's just say I'd never been there before (which was important to me before I set out) and it's on the Lincolnshire coast...took 3 hours driving there only to sit on the beach with my book for about 20 minutes before becoming so irritated by the tedium of it all that I got back in the car and drove back again. I went to the gym so that at least I'd done something that day.
Some would say I wasted Wednesday as well since I played golf after my gym session. I had a mixed day, hit 15 over par in total (18 handicap so a reasonably good day) but was 11 over par on my worst 4 holes (2nd, 3rd, 16th and 17th). The run of holes from the 4th to the 15th must be the best consecutive 12 holes of golf I have ever played in my life, ending 1 over par for the lot, including 2 birdies (and plenty of chances for others).
I decided to change my routine around a bit today. I was determined to have a good gym session (the Bike/Run session) but felt not quite ready for it when I got up. Also, I've been thinking recently about how I can get some writing done first thing in the mornings...my habit has been to do loads of other things first, resulting in me often not getting anything done at all, or only starting to write at 3pm). So I brought my laptop to the gym, got myself a coffee and wrote 1,200 words before the battery died. The gym session went fabulously well - I'm not sure whether fuelled by high dopamine levels generated by the inspiration of having polished off more than 1% of my novel or from the caffeine. Probably a bit of both.
I also think I need to equip myself better to work away from a power outlet. When I've posted this I'm off to PC World (other computer stores are available) to get a spare battery for my laptop.
But overall I think my strange mood is simply emotional imbalance. It's the first full week back into routine for many months and the attack of feelings of uselessness and a yawning future empty of recognition are plaguing me once more. I had managed to forget about them for a few months. What's most strange though is that this comes in a week when I have been bombarded with headhunter calls and the possible job options seem to be ever expanding. More choice doesn't make us happier.
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Random musings of a random Moose
23 comments:
Moose. More choice leads to more indecision, I'm afraid.
You know what you want. Stay true to yourself and you'll get there in the end.
Hope that the coming weekend and time with Mosselets will make you feel more positive.
S xx.
P.S. Special Friend has phoned twice this morning and texted three times. He really is very, very sweet.
P.P.S watching England vs. Germany on Beeb 2!!!!
Hi Moose,
Probably the time of year doesn't help, I don't know about where you live but it is positively Autumnal here and the beginning of the end of the year. Have you considered that you may be suffering from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder)?
Please stay positive though - you have what sound like a wonderful family, your health, your creative abilities, and you do so much for all of us just by being around in cyber space. Not to mention the fantastic weightloss you have achieved!
Decisions are hard and Sammie is right - the more choice, the harder the decisions are to make. Go with your heart (and a bit of head too) and it will all come good.
Breathe deeply and think of the positives, keep the negatives in perspective.
Sending a {hug} to you and hope you find some inner peace over the coming days and weeks.
A x
Moose- As I write this I haven't seen anyone elses comments but I have to say that it sounds tome as if you're just not that good at being out of the 9-5, or whatever you'd like the "employed" people to be called. It's a big change that most people don't understand. If you've mostly been an "employed" person and had to turn up every day, had your holiday days dictated by contract etc etc then the change to being responsible for all of your own time is massive. Now this is not a failing! It's just a change and change isn't always welcome or easy. I know when I first started to work for myself it was just a nightmare... but I got through it and I now couldn't imagine going back to a real job.
Accept that some weeks are better than others. Some days are better than others and the minuted that define our lives are the ones we remember the most. Enjoy the journey and don't beat yourself up about it.
Have a top weekend and start next week with a big grin.
Luv
Lyndyloo
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Moose, I completely agree that more choice is not necessarily a good thing.
The important thing for you just now is not to let the negative thoughts in. Sammie, Amanda and Jo have all said such wise stuff.
I think Amanda has a good point with the time of year thing. The mornings are nippy, the evenings are getting darker earlier and we all hate this.
Please stay positive - you have so much going for you - and you will come through how you are feeling today.
For what it's worth, I don't think you have wasted any of your time this week. You've done a lot, spent time with your family, and spent some time on yourself. Not bad really!
Hang in there.
C xx
Ok People I have an announcement to make... I want to be fit at 40! And in order to make this happen I'm going to need to lose some unwanted pounds and get off my backside a bit more often. And I want to enlist your help. I've been inspired by the Moose and his efforts and now I'm going to try the same thing. I'm not good at the sort of numerical stuff that Moose get's off on but I can do the targets and stuff so here's my plan.
1) To only drink 2 glasses of wine on school nights (currently more likely to be 4 or 5)
2) To cut out the chocolate and biccies (apart from the virtual ones and for 3 days of the month when I'm in the mood to kill)
3) To enroll in salsa class
4) To take Booboo out for a long walk everyday at some point (Roobear and her have a small walk together)
5) To make a note of what I'm eating and not cheat on this bit at all. I find this is very effective
6) To listen to my Paul McKenna cd every day for the next month.
So that's it. My 6 point plan!
Let me know what you think.
Luv
Lyndyloo
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Lyndyloo,
It sounds like a plan! And a plan that will work, I'm sure. You have 12 weeks until your birthday - the ideal amount of time.
As I failed miserably the last time I tried to lose weight, I am going to embark on a healthier way of eating, starting today. I feel quite inspired by you!
Unfortunately I cannot be fit and 40 as I am just about 11 years too late for that. I would say you are choosing a perfect time in your life for a new regime. You're gonna do it!
Happy Monday one and all.
C xx
Moose - hope everything is a bit more positive for you this week! Keep your chin up!
Lyndyloo - the 6 point plan sounds great, and achieveable too. Keep us updated as to how you are doing and I am sure if you feel the need to cheat then tell us and we will all keep you on the straight and narrow !
Good luck!
Hi everyone - it is freezing here today. I had to put the heating on last night and a jumper this morning - brrrrrrrrr! At least the rain has stopped and it is currently quite bright outside!
Hope you are all ok!
A x
Thanks for your comments.
I can't exactly say that I'm smiling this morning having felt quite under the weather most of the weekend - I actually feel ill quite a lot of weekends, Mrs M told me on Saturday I should go and see a doctor because it's not normal, but I'm a bloke, I don't do doctors unless carried into A&E on a stretcher.
I couldn't do all of my planned training session this morning as I feel too weak.
Underlying everything though is "that which cannot be mentioned". I know it causes my blue moods, I know exactly what's wrong and have tried to do something about it. What I'm not good at doing is accepting that there is nothing that can be done and the situation is useless. I always thought being an optimist was a good thing but I'm currently experiencing the dark side, when you realise that in this particular case your optimism is completely unfounded and you are left with nowhere to go and nothing to do. The fact that I have too much time to brood over it doesn't help either, although distraction through a job isn't really a solution either - been there, done that, it doesn't work...
I know I have options - there is always something you can do. It's just that none of the options are palatable and I have thought about them and don't want them. It's the fact that sticking with it and muddling through IS the best option that gets me down.
And another thing... I've registered with Weight watchers online. My sister-in-law has lost over 3 stone with ww and looks fab so she's obviously doing something right.
Chrissie- Amanda- Thanks for your words of support I'm sure I'll need many more over the next few months but I'm looking forward to it now.
Luv
Lyndyloo
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Moose- you really do sound down in the dumps. As I have no idea what the "problem" really is I'm feeling a little lost as to what to suggest. If it was something that happened (in your past) then I know some techniques that can help you eliminate the problem for good. If it's not then all I can do is say that like everyone else on here I'm here for you and will try to help and support you in any way I can as you have all done for me.
Luv
Lyndyloo
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Moose - you need to try to work your way through this. As Lyndyloo said we are all here for you fighting your corner with you. Anything I can do to help I will do, as I think you are a top guy and it is not good to hear you are struggling at the moment.
The weekend illness could be psychosomatic (SP?) and maybe a trip to the doc's will help you to turn a corner. Surely it may be worth a go? Worth thinking about at least?
Sorry the training did not go as well as you had hoped - but you turned up and did the best you could and that scores a 10 in my book.
Please try to focus on the positives and don't let the negatives take priority - much easier said than done when you are feeling the blues I know.
Take care, chin up and smile! Go, on, try it!
A x
Moose,
You really are struggling, aren't you? Of course you are right - "sticking with it and muddling through" is so, so difficult.
As for the not feeling good at weekends, I believe this is more common that you would think. During the week there is a routine, places to go, things to do. At the weekend it's very different and believe me as Sunday progresses, the more downhill I go. Once I hear the music to the Antiques Roadshow I'm heading for the gin!
Seriously though, you know what causes your "blues" and all you can do is fight those demons. You'll come through this, but in the meantime, we're here for you.
C xx
Are there only the 4 of us around today? Very quiet for a Monday don't you think? Is it another busy time of year?
Luv
Lyndyloo
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Here Moose, hope you are not thinking of a family holiday to Russia anytime soon!
http://uk.news.yahoo.com/itn/20070917/twl-russian-breeders-milk-a-moose-41f21e0_1.html
A x
Hope this makes you laugh, was going to post it last week when Moose mentioned golf and forgot to (or didn't have a chance to):
A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the Doctor asked him, 'What happened to you??'
'Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.'
'I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's arse. Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'
'I don't remember much after that
A x
Lyndyloo: I agree - it's much, much too quiet here!
I must say (and I really mean this) I admire the lurkers! I would love to lurk, but the moment I do, I find I have to say something! Though I have learned my lesson to a certain degree after last week's drama next door!!
Amanda has reminded me (yet again!) that she is going to see Take That just before Christmas. I really will have to become a bit of "sad case" and go along to the SECC on the night to see if I can pick up some tickets. Realistically, how much over the ticket price will they ask? Or am I being a silly billy?
Jo - how goes it?
C xx
Chrissie - think they may be massively overpriced but you never know so go for it and good luck - if I had the money I would definitely pay over the odds for a ticket for them - tell Mr S it would make your Christmas to get your early present of seeing them live!!! Would it work? You could always look on the famous on-line auction site in case there are any going there. I know, I know I should shut up about it but 14 weeks is going to go sooooo fast!
It is very quiet here - hope everyone is OK.
A x
Chrissie- they're on ebay at stupid money but if you don't go you won't know... If you wait outside until after the concert has started you can sometimes do a deal.
Good Tuesday everyone!
Sorry I've been AWOL for so long - did anybody miss me?!
Last week was slightly manic, with over 60 students enrolling and having to be told everything, at least twice! Anyhoo, it all went well and they are firmly ensconced here for the next year or so!
News of HL - her pooter is still not working but her hopes were high yesterday that it might be fixed today. She's fine, as is the Badger, and she sends her love.
Not a good day yesterday - not sure what to blame it on so I'll be honest and say it was just me being stoopid ...... I use the city's park & ride here (it's the only way of getting into town to be honest) and there are at least two routes. Just for a change I used the first one and hopped on t'bus. At 5.30 I got to the bus stop in town and was thrilled to see a bus just waiting there, ready to go. I hopped on it and when it turned right at the roundabout I realised, to my horror, that I'd got on the wrong bus. A mad woman was last seen screeching at the driver "lemme off, lemme off" at the station, from where she had to walk all the way back to the bus stop (10 mins) in order to board the correct bus ..... ho hum!
Hoping that today will be ever so slightly calmer!
jollygit xx
Jollygit- How good to see you back! HL was sasying how very fraustrated she was with her lack of comms but hoping she'd be back soon. You've both been missed loads! To say it's quiet on here is a severe understatement!!!
I can report that on my 6 point plan:
1) Had 0 wine last night
2) Had no biccies or choc
3) Enrolled in salsa last night (more about that later)
4) Booboo didn't have as long a walk as I'd have liked. Will do better today
5) WW online tracker filled in used 16.5 points out of an allowed 23
6) PMcK done
So how good is that? (can't you tell it's the start).
The salsa class is in a social club... think "phoenix nights" and you'll be in the right area. The man that takes the class smiles all the time he's talking (hmmmm?) and there's a distinct lack of men there, the ones that are there are either with their wife/girlfriend or over 50. Anyway it was fun and I've enrolled for an 8 week course so hopefully afterwards I'll be confident enough to try one of the salsa or cuban nights they do in Leicester/Birmingham.
Luv
Lyndyloo
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Lyndyloo - well done, off to a flying start!
Jollygit - Welcome back and I have done exactly the same thing but didn't realise until bus was way out of the way that I had c*cked up (and I hadn't a clue where I was!!!), sat on the bus for 45 minutes instead of 5 - much to the complete amusement of my bus driving husband! Had only nipped into town (a couple of miles away) to buy a card!!!
Can't wait to hear from Hazel again - am preparing NC1, given it a good dusting down (spit and polish actually) and replenished the JD in the water cooler!
I had to scrape ice off the car windscreen this morning (yes it is technically a walking day but have to collect the boys from school this afternoon so needed the car for speed!) It is bright and freezing in this corner of the North West this morning! But it's only September - is this a sign of things to come?
So it was Boy's Brigade last night and hubby and I spent the hour - doing housework!!!!! Still we caught up a bit - must say I do spend a lot of time wishing for a bit of peace but when the boys are out I can't wait for them to be home again! They went to a party on Sunday so hubby and I were boyless for 2 hours, I must be really sad because I turned up half an hour early to collect them! Just couldn't help myself!
I am popping off now but will be back later on this morning, no doubt!
Good day to you all - again, hope everyone OK! Has Jo disappeared early for a reason?????? Hope she/they is/are ok.........
A x
Hi Jollygit - of course we missed you!
It's a horrible feeling when you are on the wrong bus/train, isn't it? I always go into panic mode when really there is no need, you can just get off at the next stop and get yourself back to the beginning! However, I don't like heading for somewhere I don't know!
Lyndyloo - your halo will come down and choke you! Well done - and it's great you have such enthusiasm. Hope you enjoy the Salsa - soon you will be quite fit (in more ways than one!). I had a very good day yesterday too and I honestly felt slimmer already this morning! Or perhaps it was just hunger I was feeling. I had planned to go for a walk last night but I didn't even get home until 7.30, so once I had had my baked potato, and cleaned up the kitchen, I really couldn't face it!
Hope everyone is o.k.
C xx
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