Monday 21 May 2007

Ding bat, wally and gold digger?

A report book designed to alert teachers to the special needs of pupils is found on a Kentish street containing some derogatory statements about some of these pupils and their parents. "Ding bat" and "wally" seem to be the media's favourites, while one mother is allegedly "a bit rough".

My reaction to the story was to laugh in a slightly embarrassed way. Sometimes the truth, while amusing, is better not uttered in exactly the way we might think it or indeed in a way that is easily and immediately understood. I feel for people in the situation of having to compile such reports. The expectations on them are that they are professional, factual and evidential in their treatment yet they should also use clear language. While "ding bat" cannot be claimed to be particularly professional it does convey a succinct truth which is hard to beat for clarity. As a casual reader I immediately had a vivid picture in my mind of what this particular child is like and how you might need to treat them. Sometimes you face a situation where you just have to call a spade a spade.

Reading the story seemed to highlight an important difference in the priorities. The school themselves was apparently most concerned with the report book having been left on the street while the local educational authority was most concerned with the language used and the loss of the book was relegated to second place. This reminded me of the time in one of my previous corporate lives when the information that finance analysts doing the same jobs in different divisions of the company had significantly different salaries. I was in the lower paid group. There was outrage among the analysts - the lower paid ones for being lower paid and the higher paid ones for it coming out. There was also outrage among the management - not for the inequality that had evolved but rather for the release of confidential information that exposed the inequality. Their first reaction was to start a witch hunt to determine who the source of the leak was.

Another interesting priority question surrounds the motivation for the finder of this report book. I would like to think that if I found something on the street my first reaction would be to think "Who does this belong to and how can I return it to them?" But not this lady - she was straight on to the BBC instead. Maybe I don't have the right nose for an opportunity.

70 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's funny isn't it. My old school reports are full of the teacher trying to bring certain aspects of my demeanour to the attention of my parents without appearing insulting or provocative. They did this in order that my mother would contact them with a view to what they both may do to change anything. I'm damn sure it wasn't through any wish to be politically correct. DAMN sure.

If they had felt that they could get away with saying anything derogatory then they may well have. If they had said my mother was a bit rough, then they would not know the wrath of both myself and my mother, but as this 'Bernice' seems to prove, the average mother in those parts (whilst in no way wishing to tar anyone with the same brush, but y'ken what I'm saying) does seem to be an opportunist, and quite possibly a bit rough. My mum would've not even looked at it bar the name of the school, and taken it back to hand to the school secretary.

But then there are a lot of people who aren't that nice about these days.

I blame the parents
love
hazel
x

Anonymous said...

Oh gosh this has upset me. If I ever found such a thing the last thing I would do is hand it into journalists. I would return it to its rightful owner.

I have tears stinging in my eyes for the children being referred to with such derogatory(sp?) terms. How hurtful.

There are a couple of you that know quite a bit about my boys and how this could quite easily have been written about one of them, although geography puts us out of the picture I sincerely hope.

I would think the teacher who has written such things needs to be re-trained and should maybe focus on why they became a teacher in the first place.

Moose - I am glad you enjoyed your birthday.

Am off to dry my eyes now - a real raw nerve has been touched today.

A x

Anonymous said...

It might be an idea that if we HAVE to write down anything that, in the wrong hands, would be a disaster - we could write in code. You know, "oranges are orange" could mean "the mother's a drunk" or whatever!

I am PARANOID about writing anything that may get me in trouble - must be my age. Until about three years ago, I wrote in a diary every single day. Just a general summing-up of the day, but occasionally my thoughts and feelings towards certain people. I just stopped doing it, because I thought if someone reads this, I'm done for!

As for the scum who look for possible financial gain by dropping someone in it, it's just awful. Makes me seethe.

And, as much as I do love a really good gossip, I think it's terrible when the media follow an individual, take their photographs with someone they shouldn't be with, and then print the story. We read it, five minutes later we've forgotten it, but in the meantime a family's lives can be destroyed.

Sorry, ranting!

C xx

P.S. I also panic every time I send an email! What if I press "Reply to All" - aaaargh!

Anonymous said...

Me again.

Amanda - just read your comment. Can I say, what I love about this blog is that I may be thinking one thing and along a certain line, and then someone else will come on and tell us where they are - and it's totally different! Of course, you are right. In the context you describe, it is awful and I can understand this has upset you.

Surely there are professional people who actually CARE about the individuals they are looking after. I hope Amanda, that this incident is not the norm - it would be, as you say, so hurtful.

Hope you are o.k.

C xx

Anonymous said...

Hi Chrissie - I am ok

I have had a very tough weekend on my own as hubby was working during the day on Sat and Sun and this just touched a nerve as I said. Sometimes it just gets a bit much.
Actually feel like hiding under my desk today with a bottle of gin - only I don't drink gin and my desk is in the middle of the floor so I wouldn't be hiding!
Has anyone seen my sense of humour as I seem to have mislaid it .....

A x

lyndyloo said...

Afternoon peeps!

Moose- I agree with you on the "whose is this and how can I get it back to them?" maybe we're just a bit old fashioned in that regard.

I think most of my reports used to say things like "She is easily distracted and a very lively member of the class" which we all knew was code for "This is a very loud girl who has trouble concentrating"

Luv
Lyndyloo
-x-x-x-

p.s. I haven't changed much

Anonymous said...

Amanda, have just seen your sense of humour. It ran past the window singing val de reee, val de raaa, val de reeee, val de ra ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

would you like me to go after it?

xx

Anonymous said...

Anna - please, could you try to catch it and send it back up to me as I am a miserable old mare today without it! (some would say - just today?!)
Thanks so much, A x

Anonymous said...

its in the post, recorded delivery. Should be with you by 10am tomorrow morning.

In the meantime - eat chocolate, doesnt cure anything but tastes great!!
xx

Anonymous said...

Tried some chocolate and the sun has come out - I just need a bit more chocolate now in order to crack a smile!

Thanks Anna!

A x

Anonymous said...

Hey moose
Great topic for discussion, sounds like the B day went well. Just start feeling gravity working on your face and body..honestly it happens in the night after your birthday..it does!

Hey Chrissie
Amazing, yes, you hit it on the head. I absolutely judge people by my own standards, so it's often a shock when the outcome is quite different,Thanks for that!

I concur that if I found it in the street, i would want to return to owner..never would it cross my mind to give to a journalist! What is the world coming to?

Amanda - Baileys is good! and can be disguised as chocolate milk! or even if it's poured into a mug, as coffee with milk (oh no, I'm a "oranges are orange")

Lyndyloo - same here, with the description..easily distracted!

Anyhow, back to the grindstone now.
Love
Caroline

Anonymous said...

Sorry. Have been staring out of window for most of day. Lovely boss is atrociously hung-over today as is home alone so decided too much of the Liffy Water might be a good idea.

Ronald is a delightful child, thoughtful, kind and giving, but sometimes allows his self-indulgent side too much reign. He can overdo the enthusiasm for libation which can lead to a decline in work standards and a bit of a whiff when he breathes out a bit too hard.

Names have been changed to protect the innocent. No bosses were harmed during the shooting. If found please return to the address on the tag.

Thank you for your time
love
hazel
x

8/10 see me

anna - don't be sad babe, we know there are lovely people too!

Anonymous said...

On another point entirely, if anyone wants to read a rant about St Trinians...an educational story of entirely different proportions...

http://clearblogs.com/hazelsdaze/

This comment was brought to you by shamelessplugs.org.btn.ha

Anonymous said...

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away I worked in the health service and it was quite common for certain initials or acronyms to crop up in patient's notes. These items, whilst usually describing the patient, their state of mind or general condition very accurately, could not be described as professional. They were in a form of code so unless you spoke abbreviation you wouldn't really know what they meant, but those of us "in the know" got the gist. Patients were never allowed to see their notes but I'm sure there would have been a few complaints about derogatory statements if they had. I hope that such entries are now a thing of the past but I somehow doubt it.

What gets me about this woman that found the book is why on earth is her first port of call a journalist and not the rightful owner or at least their school? What does go on inside people's heads???

Amanda I'm just about to have a cup of tea and some Bourbon biscuits. Would you like to share the biccies - they have a high chocolate content!

jollygit said...

Helloo!!

I agree, I would much rather try to return something like this to its rightful owner - I certainly wouldn't 'cash in' on it by passing it to the press.

Amanda - honey, you sound so low. I hope you feel more cheery soon, but here's a hug to keep you going {{{hug}}} xx

Moose - so glad you had a great birthday .... you deserve it.

Chrissie S - I'm with you on the emails!!!! I've had a few occasions in the past where I've been in a hot/cold sweat after sending an email .... phew!!

I'm now gainfully employed, albeit on a temporary basis, at a local University. I'm officially a Minute Secretary (but given my size that's a bit of a joke!) and I spent all day Thursday and half of Friday in meetings taking notes - in shorthand - and am now trying desperately to transcribe the squiggles!!! I thought my hand was going to drop off on Friday night, it ached that much! I've always used the old shorthand, even if it's just been whilst on the 'phone, but to write it constantly over two days was a bit of a shock! Anyhoo, there's a chance of a permanent job in the offing so I'm keeping an eye on the noticeboard ... it's so nice though being back amongst 'real' people again!!!!! Mind you, the state of the house has declined as a result - luckily we've got a long weekend ahead of us eh?!!!!

Wasn't very impressed with the FA Cup Final on Saturday - had to laugh when John Motsom said at one point "is anybody bored yet?". Shame about the turf too ... how much did it all cost again?!!

Right, back to me squiggles for another half an hour or so. Take care all and 'see' you tomorrow.

Sadly I won't be able to make Wednesday's OAMC/birthday drinkies but I'll be with you all in spirit/wine/you name it!

jollygit xx

Jo said...

Hello all, I'm furiously trying to complete my presentation for the interview tomorrow and deciding what to wear to minimize the humungous bump that I seem to have grown this weekend!

My parents were both teachers and would have been horrified that such a document actually exists, they both used to tell it like it was to the parents, who used to appreciate the honesty (I remember my dad being given permission in the early 90's, to smack someone's son about a bit if he does it again sir!). Teachers (and get ready for a very sweeping generalisation) complain about lack of respect from parents and children alike but then you find out that they provide no respect back... At least kids and parents are being open and honest about there disrespect, not writing it down for all and sundry to find.

As for the person who made this public knowledge, well SHAME ON YOU!

:o) Jo

PS - my report always said things like - Jo is a bright and bubbly child who interacts well with others. She would do well to concentrate on her written work as much as she does on class room debates and discussion.

Which I for a fact know means that - Jo is a mouthy child who can't stop chattering. She butts into discussions and always has to get her point across, she rarely pays attention but would rather sort out her social life, her written work is a disgrace and scibbled untidely in her books. As her dad is the deputy head I am writing this nicely so I don't get the sack.

Jo said...

And just to show you what a monumental challenge minimizing the bump is check this out

http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l248/jopickerin/Belly.jpg?t=1179761186

Belly's gonna get ya!!

:o) Jo

Anonymous said...

Jo, have you tried standing behind something?

A curtain perhaps?

Happy to help
love
hazel
x

Anonymous said...

Hi all - sorry the whole blog just took the wind out of my sails a bit - but I am fine.

I feel like I haven't had a weekend off so am tired, and quite obviously emotional (although I had everything under wraps until 1.30pm!).

All offers of chocolate and virtual alchohol gratefully received and scoffed / quaffed! Normal service will be resumed at 10am tomorrow once Anna's package arrives here containing my sense of humour.

A x

Anonymous said...

Jollygit - you are sounding in top form! It's great you are enjoying what you're doing and I do envy your ability to take shorthand.

About 344 years ago when I started dating Mr S, I was doing a Pitman Shorthand course and I just loved it. It's difficult though, isn't it?!

Anyway, I was so in love with Mr S that I just couldn't concentrate on shorthand or anything else. Even gave up eating for a while (those were the days!). So, I stopped attending my course, have regretted ever since, and just wanted to share that wee story!

C xx

Anonymous said...

Afternoon all,
P'ed off DD today. As I may have to have an operation on my shoulder to clear debris and tighten shoulder joint following general wear and tear after accident 20+ years ago.
Could leave me unable to drive for up to 6 weeks and may need to consider working one handed from home! (Leave it Hazel, you bad toad, bad toad!)

Have a good week all.

DD out

lyndyloo said...

Poor DD!

Working from home's not that bad honest injun... one handed...or otherwise.

Luv
Lyndyloo
-x-x-x-

Anonymous said...

Hello Everyone!!!

Finally getting the chance to catch up - why is it the weekends are so short and the weeks are soooooooo looooooong?

Moose - the person that found the book and subsequently went to the Beeb should be ashamed of herself. However, we all have a right to access information organisations hold about us, so actually, the teacher involved should have showed a far higher level of professionalism than was evident in this book. (Oo-er - get me!!!) Imagine if I wrote things about customers in such a manner, I'd be sacked immediately!

Anyhoo, wasn't able to log on, as was having a lovely evening walk at 8.30, but I did think about you and raised a glass to you when we opened a bottle of wine later.

Have had a funny weekend - almost reclusive actually. Only went out Saturday night to my parents for dinner and then yesterday afternoon to the M supermarket (couldn't face the trek to either chavda or Fresco). By the time an offer of a walk came round last night, I was a little stir crazy, so off I went.

Today has been absolute damn and blasted mayhem, with a project teleconference actually being so awful that I felt uncomfortable and for once, it wasn't me on the receiving end. ("Pay attention Samantha!" "Yes Sir!")

Righty, in PJ's already, glass of wine and book are calling - catch up with you all tomorrow...

Loving your work...

S xx.

P.S. Weigh in tomorrow - I hope I'm 'there'!!!

P.P.S. Thanks Chrissie :-)

Anonymous said...

And finally...

The Why's of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T MEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapour lock)
(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know....it never happened)
( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)


:-)

S xx.

Anonymous said...

Parcel for Amanda.

:o)

lyndyloo said...

Sammie- Thanks for those chuckles, it's really brightened my little morning up!

Luv
Lyndyloo
-x-x-x-

Anonymous said...

Thanks Anna - it worked!!!!

Woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch.
The woman’s husband also comes home unexpectedly.She puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there already.The little boy says, “Dark in here."
”The man says, “Yes, it is.”
Boy - “I have a football.”
Man - “That’s nice.”
Boy - “Want to buy it?”
Man - “No, thanks.”
Boy - “My dad’s outside.”
Man - “OK, how much?”
Boy - “£250”

A few weeks later, it happens gain that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.
Boy - “Dark in here.”
Man - “Yes, it is.”
Boy - “I have football boots.”
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”
Boy - “£750”
Man - “Sold.”
A few days later, the boy’s father says to the boy, “Grab your boots and football, let’s go outside and have a game.The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my ball and boots.”

The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”Boy -“£1,000.”

The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that.
That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church to make a confession.”

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession box and he closes the door.

The boy says, “Dark in here.”The priest says, “Don’t start that malarkey again. You’re in my cupboard now”

DD - sorry to hear about the shoulder, sounds painful......

Sammie - LOL!

Jollygit - glad the job is working well for you!

Hubby has day off today so I left the house at 7.30 to come to work early and left him to deal with the morning rush for school - he,he,he. He will be frazzled by 9am!

A good day is wished to one and all!

A x

Anonymous said...

Checking in early this morning - I wanted to be sure that Amanda had received her package - delighted to see she has!

Very funny joke Amanda - with more than a grain of truth to it!!

Sammie, you are sounding good, I'm happy to say. Spot on observations re: our lovely men!

DD - not the best thing to be facing. Surgery is just so invasive (yes, I know, obviously it is!) but you know what I mean. However, what's the alternative? And, once you've got it out of the way, you should be A-OK. Dead easy for me to say, isn't it!

See you later - I have FIVE huge audio tapes to type, will probably take me until lunchtime.

C xx

jollygit said...

Amanda - I'm glad to hear you sounding like your usually cheerful self again - I wish my morning post had the same effect on me!!!!!

Chrissie S - I love being able to do shorthand - it's like a secret language isn't it?!! Anyway it seems to be a dying art so hopefully I'll be in demand for me skills (oo-er). It's like most things though, once you've learned it it's just a case of practise - you don't forget it but you lose your speeds .... never mind, you gained a Mr!!!!

I'm hoping that the job will do me good on many levels, not least the fact that I have a 10-15 minute walk each way to and from the Park & Ride scheme, so hopefully I'll lose a couple of pounds between now and the end of June and if it becomes a permanent thing, well the world's me lobster, innit?!

DD - so sorry about your shoulder ..... just think how strong that one hand will become tho! (Is it too early for the NC - it is only 9.10)!!!!

jollygit xx

Have a good day one 'n all.

Anonymous said...

Good morning lovely birdies and boy birdies and Moose!

Amanda, on my way to work I saw some bluebirds flying off towards the channel, struggling to carry a small black cloud of yesterday's unhappiness. They sent their love, and said that the postman should be with you, if not by now, certainly very shortly, with a whole new bag of peace, love and joy.

...and oh dear DD...what shall we do with you? I have an old game of Swingball you can have if you like? You can do that by yourself too. There is also a book out called "One Handed Exciting Things A Boy Can Do". It was gonna be "One Hundred etc etc, but then the publishers realised it was by a Capt. Hook, and they had to take out the 'Origami' chapter, so then it would have just been 99 anway.

Sammie, we were talking about the direction thingie just the other day. Just imagine sitting in the middle of nowhere, having seen at least 372 pedestrians only just about 4 miles previous, and had no idea how to get back to them. I'd have called International Badger Rescue, but he was driving.

ChrissieS, congratulations on your 345th anniversary. You'll be getting a telegram from Helen Mirren soon.

Another day...
Possibly another dollar...
Don't get paid til NEXT THURSDAY. HOW DO THEY EXPECT US TO SURVIVE!
love
hazel
x

Anonymous said...

Calling all Apprentice fans. Look away now...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/6677971.stm

So, who's got an idea? Check out the end of this piece (as the actress said to the bishop...)

Superb joke Amanda!
x

Anonymous said...

Hey Jollygit - I love being able to write shorthand (but I do the Teeline stuff not the proper Pitmans). People are usually impressed and have no idea what you've actually written about them! Perhaps the owner of the report book should take note ...

Amanda - glad your SOH is now a GSOH. Great joke.

DD - hope you're ambidextrous because that will help with the one-handed living. If not, it's time to start practicing holding a pint in either hand!

Bak son

Anonymous said...

Morning, morning!

Little light reading last night - "Why men don't listen and women can't read maps". Struggling with the feminism that has been indoctrinated in me since a very small girl (I had action men, guns and cars to play with), but I have to say, this book is a really good read. It provides a lighthearted overview of a number of scientific research papers and such like, that explain the neurological differences between men and women and what that means in today's society. Highly recommended!

Sudden change of plans today - was supposed to be in the orifice where I can't even read CLP's blog, never mind this one, but "All change please!" and so I'm here at home.

DD - shoulders HURT! I dislocated mine and tore muscles a few years ago. Very debilitating - I do feel for you. Hopefully though, the Op may be the best thing in the long term.

Amanda - glad you're back on top!

HL - do you turn the map around in the 'right' direction when you read it?

Later,

S xx.

Anonymous said...

Day 6d: Have moved house apparently. Was wondering, after waking up with a HUGE hangover, and wandering about, why carpets smell different. Had no prior knowledge of this as was obviously not consulted but hallway seemed remarkably crowded of scratchable boxes, and was not allowed out on Tuesday. There has been a dog here. Woke up on usual cushion, phew, but nearly broke paws jumping from top of strange cupboard. Do they think I won't notice? Am now not allowed out for two weeks. We shall see. Have no idea what today is. Mind you, if not allowed out, will have to rely on indoor facilities to create miasmic ambience. Am not entirely unhappy about current events as on first exploration there does appear to be anaglypta wallpaper about. Hours of fun. Apparently is still Tuesday.

Anonymous said...

Hey you, pussycat - we've definitely met before! Are you the cat we looked after while our friends were on holiday and you DESTROYED our hall which was covered in anaglypta (look, it was 1985!). What a mess, you son of a gun! Though if you are one in the same you are now knocking on a bit - maybe start taking things a wee bit easier!

Hazel - quick bird question. In our back garden there are the tallest trees ever seen, and I include the Appalachian Mountains when I say this! (Checked the dictionary for spelling). Ruddy millions of birds and their nests are in these trees. Mr S was outside last night around 8.45 and a blackbird came swooping down, not quite flying at him, but definitely making some sort of protest. Do you think he was saying "we're trying to get some sleep here - get lost"? Do you think that movie The Birds could ever come true?!

As you can see, managed to get my typing done - quite impressed with myself!

C xx

Anonymous said...

Oh, speaking of flying things, I think I saw bats last night! It was at dusk and they were black and small and flew very fast! Could they be bats?

S xx.

jollygit said...

Here's a little joke to make you smile and keep me in the naughty corridor!

A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.

"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.

"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
innocently.

"You did WHAT?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it
didn't move"

jollygit xx

Anonymous said...

ChrissieS, all I know about boids is from personal experience, but I do know that when blackbirds have either eggs, chicks or fledgelings in the nest, they are very territorial. As far as I'm aware, they wouldn't attack, but are very good at giving warning shots across your bows (so to speak, other tying methods are available, but I shouldn't think DD can manage them for a while), which consists almost of dive-bombing and repeating a screech. Mrs Blackbird will do this too, and these shots will basically be made at anything bigger than a blackbird. Cat, dog, Mr ChrissieS etc. However if you see magpies or sqwerls near the nest, please throw things at them, because they usually have an accomplice that steals the babies whilst the blackbirds are chasing something else...usually the other magpie or sqwerl.

Sammie. I am female. I don't need a map, just directions. However, on the occasion when a map has been absolutely and unavoidably necessary, yes I have.

...and yes, imo, they were probably bats. If there have been lots of insex in your garden in the last couple of weeks, they were almost definitely bats.

wots new pussycat
wowowowowo
love
hazel
x

Anonymous said...

Hazel,

Thanks for the explanation - you know your stuff. And of course there's gzillions of squirrels and magpies in our garden, pretending they are going about there own business. Now that you have alerted me, I will definitely throw things at them. Preferably Mr S's collection of "How to Play the Guitar in 89 easy lessons" CD's! FOUR guitars he has, and can only play "Hotel California" straight through!

C xx

lyndyloo said...

Such a lovely place.....

We used to refer to the Wurly ones house as Hotel Cala Molerat (other forms of bald desert rat are probably available but none quite as fitting).

lyndyloo said...

http://nationalzoo.si.edu/publications/zoogoer/2002/3/nakedmolerats.cfm

just in case you didn't beleive me... poor little things!

Anonymous said...

HL - thanks! Yes, there are lots and lots of insex in my garden - wow - never had bats before..

Also - saw swallows today - does this mean something, like is summer here?

Chrissie - I guess that is worse than my dad belting out the blues (Big Bill Broonzy, etc) with his guitar whenever the mood takes him. (When he's had a drink or two!)

S xx.

Anonymous said...

In response to why 1 million sperm to one egg? Is required because of the rubbish directions on the way!

DD out

Turn right in one inch, it's a 1:50,000 map!

Anonymous said...

Mr L has a guitar (just the one) and several "Teach yourself in ... lifetimes" guides - books, videos, CDs. He can't play a note. Would purchasing more guitars mean he is more likely to be able to play Hotel California or should he just quit before the expense gets out of hand??

We have a couple of bats that swoop through our garden at dusk - I love watching them. Don't know where they live though as its a fairly new estate and not a belfry in sight. Do bats commute long distances? Is our garden perhaps the bat equivalent of going out for a pizza?

Anonymous said...

Oh, lyndyloo!

The poor baldies! The fact that saddens me the most is that the Palestine Mole-rat 'lives a solitary existence'. Perhaps because he doesn't like poetry or the arts?

...and Grandma, wot BIG TEETH you have! Li'l Red Riding Hood wouldn't have stood a chance.

chomp gnash etc
love
hazel
x

Anonymous said...

DD - absolutely no idea what you said in the last line of your comment! BUT that's OK, cos while I'm typing this, I am eating lunch, listening to voicemails and making notes in my book....

How's the shoulder today?

S xx.

P.S. I don't have a belfry either...

Anonymous said...

and finally (or not...) have you read the paranoia on CLP's blog today? Woooweee - someone's not having a good day/week...

S xx.

Anonymous said...

I think what we are ALL forgetting in our Eagles quest is the 'Smoke on the Water' Effect.

You all know that of which I speak.

I don't think it is dependant on the amount of guitars owned, but an almost primeval urge, although probably from WAY beyond the mists of time, and inbuilt in any male psyche...when they hold a guitar, for the very first time...they clutch it to their groin (other areas available but not with quite the same 'rock 'n roll' impact), place their fingers on the frets, get ready to strum...

...and it goes...
















YAY! I can hear you all doing it!

However, there will be a short interval at 1400 for Layla.

thank you for your time
bats sir?
I should say so...

jollygit said...

MJ next door doesn't sound too well does he? It's a shame - he seemed (as far as anyone could tell) that he was doing OK.

jollygit

lyndyloo said...

What is it that makes us do the "air giutar?" I'm actually a bit more prone to the drum instead but that may be due to many years of my Dad being a professional drummer in a band so having to grow up with knives and forks as drumsticks etc....

Anonymous said...

I can't begin to say how relieved I am that so many of us understand the "I have a guitar, I'm sexxxxxy" sort of mentality!

Lyndyloo - please don't let this freak you out, but the most sexy member of any band (for me) is always the drummer! The drums float my boat (I may be heading for the naughty corner!).

Sammie - Swallows take off in the winter for Capistrano. I wish I could tell you more. They then fly back from Capistrano and, as Caroline said recently, there's hunners and hunners of them on Majorca. We went there on a holiday with my sister and her husband and we watched the swallows every day. My brother-in-law was enthralled. Gorgeous, so graceful. On the last day of our holiday, my sister found a wee plate that said "One Swallow Does Not Make A Summer": tailor made for the brother-in-law. He completely missed the point, thought she was a nutter and the plate ended up in Oxfam!!

Sammie - bats cost a lot of money. If we harm a bat (not that you would!), it's a £20k fine - I have that on good authority!!

Jollygit - Martin next door is in a terrible mess. Why hasn't he been BP'd??!!

C xx

Anonymous said...

Have just looked next door. I can't imagine feeling like that, and I don't think I've ever known anyone who was/is going through the same thing. There isn't anything anyone can do either.

Jollygit, are you on email?

l
h
x

Anonymous said...

Thanks to all you lovely people for helping me through my wobble yesterday - I have these occasionally but not normally so publicly.
Anyhow the sun is out here today, my boss has agreed to paying for all of his team to become members of the local leisure club (will do pool but not gym!) and all is a bit better with the world.
We have bats at home - I go out every night at dusk and they come really close to my head on their insect search - it is brill. They live in a neighbours eaves so I stand and watch them wake up and come out. If anyone has been to Chester Zoo they will know the fantastic bat house they have there. They whizz all around you it is fab! They keep the house dark in the day and then light it up at night!
I was standing in the garden on Sat evening and a baby starling landed at my feet - I don't know who was more surprised. Anyway I backed off until he got his breath and flew off. We have a plum tree in out front garden and lots of different titmouses come and de-insect it for us. They are all so gorgeous. For the first time this year (out of the 7 years we have lived here) we have bullfinches. No idea where they have come from but a lot of the bushes in the park were pruned in October so am guessing they have relocated somewhere a bit more private!

Have seen MJ comments next door and he does seem paranoid. What a shame. I hope he gets help soon.

Right off to do more work now - definitely need to earn it today seeing as boss is being so good!

A x

Anonymous said...

ChrissieS - a woman after my own heart. Let's hear it for the drummers!

I have no musical talent whatsoever, but have always wanted to learn to play ... Traffic queues are great because I can play the steering wheel bongos without fear of running someone off the road. (What the people in surrounding vehicles think god only knows, but I don't care!)

Anonymous said...

Ana - I don't play steerign wheel bongoes, but I 'sing' at the top of my voice instead! Not so bad in the winter, but when the weather warms up and the windows are down...

Sorry to all the locals - not really laa laa lalaa laa!

S xx.

Anonymous said...

On my journey to and from work, I can play air guitar, air drums and do air singing (particularly to Aerosmith Dude looks like a lady) depending on the toons.

nuffin better.

DD out

lyndyloo said...

Analog Yay let's hear it for the steering wheel drum, it's the best!!!

Anonymous said...

Juno wot, Amanda? If the weather continues fine this eve, I may well take myself for a strollette to the local park. There are too many street lights and not enuff gardens round our way for bats...plenty of bat food mind you...and I used to love watching them zipping about! I did used to be able to hear them, but have no idea if I still can!
I was supposed to be 'doing walks' anyway, but as soon as the resolution takes root, the weather turns atrocious, and it's all I can do to go out to work. So, this evening...

I do hope the baby starling sorts himself out too. Sounds far too cute bless him!

...on another note entirely...

I was watching the Chelsea Flar Show on telly last night. Very interesting Bee bit. I suggested to the boy that I would like to keep bees in the communal garden. Not through any environmental guilt or reason though. Purely so we'd have at least SOME space that isn't taken up by the detritus of the Children of the Corn. And their bicycles.

Pipistrelle - that's the word. Been trying to think of it since I read 'Capistrano'. And that's bats.

Anonymous said...

Just found out that female barn swallows select a mate on the basis of tail length. Obviously size does matter when you're a swallow...although it doesn't say whether they are preferred longer or shorter...

...and DD, it's gonna be Def Leppard for a while though eh?

Anonymous said...

ROFLMAO

U so funny!!!

DD out

Better than doing a Rolf and playing my didgeridoo. Hmm did I really say that! NC1

Anonymous said...

HL Can you still get up onto Waterhall?

DD out

Anonymous said...

HL - I listen to them waking up in the neighbours eaves, they get louder and louder until they appear for the night - it is really magical and it just never bores me! Sometimes hubby comes out too and we have bets as to what time they will appear - sad but true! The other good thing is that said neighbours have a securtiy light so the moths go there and in turn the bats hang around!

A x

jollygit said...

HL - yup, I'm on email again.

jollygit xx

Anonymous said...

DD

Golf club, pumping station, kite club, telephone towers, football field, Hazel's Wildlife Sanctuary and Grill?

Then yes. If you are passing I could put the kettle on. Mind you, I shouldn't try hang-gliding for the moment if I were you.

Amanda, am turtely jealous. That sounds so idyllic. I am sure I am a child of the country at heart! All I can hear is the neighbours little boy kicking his football against our back wall. Sometimes my boy comes out and we take bets on how long it's going to be before his parents appear.

Anonymous said...

Has CLP forgotten to blog today - or is it me?

S xx.

P.S. Told little man about the bats - he's looking forward to Friday night when we will stay outside for 'Batwatch'!

Anonymous said...

HL
I spent many happy hours on Waterhall as a kid, with my grandparents, flying kites, kicking a ball around, playing cricket, just running up and down the slope, and watching the Seagulls doing their slog training sessions. Great memories!

I think MJ has finally lost the plot next door, poor bugger.

My family have all departed the area now but I always feel a tug at the ole strings when I see Brighton and Hove mentioned anywhere. Must get back down soon, if only for a weekend.

DD misty eyed and out

PS have a good OAMC at Gatwick, wish I could make it!

Anonymous said...

Umm.

Call me Mr Thicky, but having been a space cadet of late I have totally mislaid any idea of where 'The Village Inn' is. I presume that it is not located on the main runway, so can anyone help? Bearing in mind that I am not online tomorrow, this is my last chance to have a chance of being part of the OIABMC.

Your servant

MfR

Anonymous said...

MfR - The Village Inn is in the South Terminal at the airport itself.

see you there?
love
hazel
x

Anonymous said...

Matt, Isnt the Village Inn the JDWetherspoons pub in South Terminal upper level about the centre of the terminal building Land side?

Anonymous said...

oh, i wish i was there tomorrow. hope you have fun! Cant wait to here about it!
xx