Wednesday, 28 November 2007


From the BBC website:
'A prisoner at HMP Bristol has been treated for deep laceration wounds after cutting off his penis with a razor blade.
The inmate who is serving an 18-month sentence for possession of a knife, was found by wardens on Sunday morning.
Prison officials said the incident was "extremely serious". '

Extremely serious? You're telling me! I couldn't stop my eyes watering for a good ten minutes...
Oh, maybe they mean that he had a blade on him?
Or that they were put off their traditional Sunday morning breakfast of sausage sandwiches?

Tomato sauce with that anyone?

Tuesday, 27 November 2007


Is anyone else bored rigid by the dodgy donations to the Labour Party?

OK, it was wrong. Some guy screwed up and he resigned. Unusually.

Please don't add insult to injury by continuing to bombard us with interminable apologies, explanations and analysis. I don't care! Just get on with the really big issues of running the country like the health service, education and stopping our involvement in illegal wars.
The lead story on the news? You've got to be joking!

Thank you for your patience.
Rant over.

Monday, 26 November 2007

New ambition

I've discovered, through the reporting of this year's nominations on the BBC website, the 'bad sex' award in literature and have decided it's something I want to win. Well they do say that any publicity is good publicity. And it's good to have an ambition.

The only trouble is, I can't decide whether I need to rewrite my one and only scene that might qualify, even though it is extremely implicit in nature. How can you spot how bad your own sex scenes are? Did the authors on the list set out to win the prize too and surrepticiously slipped a bad sex scene into an otherwise good book? Do they have other sex scenes that are better written and the nominations are only for the anomalous scenes within otherwise excellent carnal descriptions?

It's all just such a minefield...

Sunday, 25 November 2007

Stupid, deluded and happy?

On the radio on Sunday morning there was a debate on whether you should hide your faith at work like Tony Blair apparently did for 10 years, or said another way, whether people should be banned from talking about their faith at work.

A couple of points struck me. The first is that these debates are usually completely pointless. 'Believers' all think they should be allowed to talk about their faith because it's an essential part of who they are. 'Non-believers' or atheists think that no-one should be allowed to talk about their faith. Nobody ever changes their mind as a result of the so-called 'debate'. The media are largely filled with humanists, atheists, liberals and 'unbelievers' and I am always slightly dubious about whether we get a representative picture from the callers chosen to take part. But in any case, after the debate everybody thinks the same as they did before. So why bother?

Well the second point is maybe the reason to bother. Within the debate one guy said something I thought was notable, a little bit different and not normally heard on the media. The reason I thought it was so good is because it's what I think too! He said that atheism is a faith system too. To not believe in any God also takes faith. As far as I'm aware it's impossible to prove that he doesn't exist. Therefore to believe he doesn't exist is on a similar faith footing as believing that he does exist. Therefore the insistence to not talk about any faith (apart from atheism) must be one of the worst kinds of bullying and intolerance around. Surely it's tantamount to saying 'You're not allowed to talk about any faith except mine.'

Or am I just opening myself up to be labelled as a stupid, delusional believer that doesn't get it?

Thursday, 22 November 2007

A little story...

Simon Fuller hosted a lavish party at one of his mansions. As he gathered all the guests around the swimming pool, they were a little perturbed to see a shark swimming in the pool.
‘Whoever is willing to swim across the pool,’ said Fuller, ‘can choose whatever they want from these three things: £10 million, half of this estate, or to marry whichever Spice Girl you like.’
The guests looked around at each other dumbstruck.
The silence was broken by a loud splash. Everyone looked around to see Simon Cowell swimming desperately for the side of the pool. Other guests reached down and pulled him out just before the shark could get to him.
Fuller went up to the dripping Cowell. ‘Frankly, I’m surprised anyone took me up on the challenge, especially you. But I’m a man of my word. What is it that you really, really want?’
Cowell could only gasp as he recovered his breath.
‘The £10 million?’ asked Fuller.
Cowell shook his head. 'Peanuts' he gasped.
‘Half of this estate?’
‘No,’ spluttered Cowell. 'This dump? No way.'
‘Surely you don’t want to marry a Spice Girl?’ said Fuller.
‘Definitely not!’ said Cowell.
Fuller was non-plussed. ‘So what is it that you really, really want?’
‘I’ll tell you what I want. What I really, really want…is to know who pushed me in.’

Wednesday, 21 November 2007

It's only sport...

Hard to believe I know but it really is only sport. It's not life and death. And no, I'm afraid Bill Shankly was either wrong or, what I believe to be more likely, he was only joking! The problem is that so many people have picked up on his famous words (just to let those who don't know in on it, he said "Some people think that football is a matter of life and death. It's not, it's more important than that," (apologies if the quote is not 100% accurate) and treated them as some great piece of wisdom to justify their obsession with what is, I repeat, ONLY SPORT!!!

So sorry to any football fans out there feeling down, feeling depressed or feeling the cold feet of the woman they love against their (previously) warm leg. But trust me on will get over it. Think of the schadenfreude you'll be able to enjoiy when McLaren gets the boot (or falls on his sword beforehand if he's got any sense - although that would cost him millions). Think of the pleasure of a European football championships without the stress of being robbed by dodgy refereeing decisions. Think of the early nights curled up in bed with the warm feet of the woman you love (the finals are in the summer after all, so the feet will either be warm or the cold ones will be rather pleasant as you lie there sweating). For the women football fans, just substitute the appropriate words "man" and "warm dangly bits" wherever you need to.

Just in case you missed the point of this post: IT'S ONLY SPORT!

Tuesday, 20 November 2007

Get all the facts

A thought occurred to me today that certain things in life could be seriously misconstrued without the full facts, even when reported accurately and factually...

I was in the jacuzzi today with two bikini-clad beauties. The nurse was on my left while the dancer was on my right. I enjoyed the jacuzzi more than I have any jacuzzi in recent times.

All factually accurate.

But it doesn't really tell the full story. Unfortunately!

Monday, 19 November 2007

A nice cup of tea

My favourite suggestion for the 5 word motto for Britain...

But what is the world's most expensive cup of tea?

I know it wasn't the one I had today, but it was the most expensive one I've ever had.
Granted, the teapot was solid silver, it was proper leaves and a silver tea strainer instead of a Tesco own label bag which is my usual cuppa.

The location was quite nice - the Park Lane Hotel.
As was the company - a colleague from my coaching course.

£4.50. Ouch!

And just to set the record straight, my A to Z was simply a compilation from the stories in the Daily Mail starting at page 1 and going through until all the letters were complete - not me being gloomy. I didn't miss any stories out except for the tiny ones (not many) or the ones that weren't about Britain (not many either). But I guess it's no surprise that many people are gloomy when this is what they read in their papers every day.

Having said that, call me nostalgic but I do miss Germany for many things...Kaffee und Kuchen, Weizenbier, King Creole (local restaurant to where we lived), Gluhwein on the Christmas markets, our local bistro called Lemon where they knew us so well our drinks were brought to us without us needing to order, Applewine, even Sauerkraut...anyone would think I was obsessed with food and drink!!!

PS Big congratulations to Keith the Littl'un. Massive achievement. Big up to the ex Big Un.

Friday, 16 November 2007

A to Z

Looking in the Daily Mail for inspirational stories – inspiring me to rant, that is – I discovered Littlejohn. A serial ranter by all accounts. His article talked about the A-Z of Britain and how attractive it made us. He proposed his own list of Britishness.

Not to be out-done, I scanned the stories in the same paper, thinking that a one-day snapshot of the Daily Mail might give us another view of life in Britain. Here’s my list:

A is for Arab sheiks
B is for Blair (Sir Ian, not President Tony)
C is for Children in Need
D is for Drunkenness
E is for Engineering genius (granted from 60 years ago)
F is for Food Scares
G is for Gunshot residue
H is for Human rights
I is for Interest Rates
J is for Johnson (Boris)
K is for Killings, sexually motivated
L is for Leaving here
M is for Mosquitos
N is for Noise
O is for Overbudget
P is for Pills for weight loss
Q is for Quintuplets
R is for Recycling taxes
S is for Soap Opera violence
T is for Terrorists
U is for Underage pornography
V is for Virginity repairs
W is for Winehouse, Amy
X is for Xenophobia
Y is for Yobs, 5year old ones at that!
Z is for Z-list celebrities

It’s enough to make L your favourite letter.

Thursday, 15 November 2007 the name of love!

Not sure who saw this story today in the papers...

A mayor in Chicago has put up customised stop signs to try to halt the number of people that just drive through them without stopping. So the new signs say 'STOP' and then things like 'In the Naaaame of Love' underneath. The idea is that it will catch people's attention, make them laugh and make them stop.

During the TV launch, a car was seen in the background driving straight across the junction...without stopping!

Wednesday, 14 November 2007

Follow up on coaching...


I realised today that publicly saying what sounds like 'I need some help!' might not be the wisest thing to ask people to do...

So, to bring in some reality, here's a little about coaching.

Coaching is not therapy. Therapy deals with (among other things), the past, root causes, dysfunction and, generally, problems.

Coaching deals more with opportunity. It is always forward looking (when done well), briefly pausing at the present to make sure the differences between the 'Here and now' and the 'There and then' (sorry for the jargon) are properly understood, before launching into a bright new future.

You will not find out anything about yourself you don't already know. You will choose whether to face up to what you already know, not the coach. If you don't want to in a particular area, move on to something else or stop the coaching. You are in control of the coaching relationship and you can always say stop. Your coach may challenge you on that (wouldn't be doing their job if they didn't), but will sensitively back off when appropriate.

You can work on anything you like, from health and fitness, relationships, work and business etc etc etc. Entirely up to you. If there are areas you don't want to touch on, just make it clear at the start.

Above all else, the result should be clarity rather than new discovery. This clarity will help you to focus on what's really important to you and cut the rest of the crap...

Thanks Lyndyloo for offering! I'll e-mail you to set something up...

Anyone else, I suggest that you contact me privately via e-mail (the real one if you've got it. If not, use the one attached to this ere blog and I'll send you the real one...)

Just to be clear though, there is nothing to be ashamed of. I have had lots of coaching myself and wouldn't be offering it if it were not powerful and productive. Lots of business leaders and entrepreneurs have coaches. Many of them don't talk about it publicly either. The most important things are only to do it if you're ready, don't let anyone talk you into it, and tell everyone or no-one, exactly as you see fit. It's nobody's business but your own.

I might just steal some of this from myself for my marketing pitch...

Tuesday, 13 November 2007

Free coaching...

So now I'm a coach. A baby coach. A trainee coach. A coach in training. Call me whatever you like.

Actually, as it's an industry that has no regulation, I can call myself a coach regardless that I've not finished the programme yet. But then I could have done that before last week...

Maybe not the best way of marketing myself. Let me start again...

Free coaching available! Call now on 1-800-123-MOOSE...or better still register here!

Are you perfect in every way? Nothing you'd like to improve in your life? Then I'm not the coach for you.

If, on the other hand, you are a mere mortal and would like to find out if being coached can help you, and you'd like to contribute to the training hours I need to do, then try it for free now.

Coaching can be done in person (subject to geographical location) or on the phone. One hour every 2 weeks for the first 3 sessions (6 weeks), then we can see how it's going and agree what to do, if anything, going forward. That will be entirely up to you.

I'm ideally looking for 5 willing guinea pigs....roll up, roll up, spaces are limited.

Saturday, 3 November 2007

Absence makes the heart grow...

I am just going outside. I may be some time...

I'm off on a course, a week of learning how to be a coach. One of those things I promised myself I'd do while I was on my sabbatical, which is another word I am particularly fond of!

Not sure what the arrangements are, but I do know it's 8.30 to 6 of classes every day and a couple of hours of 'field work' (oo-er!) each evening.

So I shall give my apologies now and you'll all know where I am if there is no sign for a while...

Thoughts are with Mr C and Caroline. Especially not easy when these things happen so far away from home. Been there, done that.

PS For the record, my Speedo's are, I believe, entirely acceptable. You see they are made by Speedo but are swimming shorts, covering everything and with no embarrassing bulges (apart from the one above the waistband). Hope that clears everything up...

Thursday, 1 November 2007

Geo-political machinations

Some words are used too little.

I heard a chap say 'geo-political' today on the business news. I haven't heard that one for a long time. It's just such a good word.

It's less beardy teacher with patches on his elbows than 'geographical'.
It's less overweight man in an ill-fitting suit than 'political'.

Maybe the reason I like it is that I'm an overweight geography graduate in an ill-fitting suit.

But enough of my Speedo's...machinations is another one that I miss.