They had both been at a birthday party during the afternoon while I sweated some excess weight off in the garden. When they got back, #2 came and chatted with me. He told me that James (one of the kids at the party) was mean. I gave my usual response based on the Primary Attribute Error. Although I don't use those words (I may be obsessed but I do remember he's only 4), I explained that we all did mean things but that didn't make us mean people. I reminded him that he was sometimes mean to #1 but that he wasn't a mean person. I said that I did mean things sometimes but that I wasn't a mean person.
That's when he said it. "You are mean, daddy. You leave all the work to mummy."
So it's survey time. What to do?
- Swallow my pride, say nothing, keep going, trying to be positive and doing all I already do and more if I can.
- Ask her how it's possible for our four-year-old son to come out with a statement that sounds exactly like that which would normally come from a 40-year-old woman.
- Rant and rave a bit and get it off my chest.
- Some other suggestion.
25 comments:
Oh deer Moose. What to say. The badger leaves all the work to me, although he'd swear blind that he doesn't. He cooks every now and then and washes up every now and then, but all the rest of the time it's me. I've asked him about it, whether he thinks because I 'sit down all day' (and he is very physically active all day) that it is ok for me to do all the housework...or because (when he's working) he earns more than me, he thinks it's my way of earning my keep...but he thinks he does all the things he doesn't...so most of the time I let it lie.
Keep doing what you're already doing if I were you, but if you get the chance to put a wash on...hang it up when it's done...or if you think hoovering is on the agenda...get it out...but that's not for here...
I love my badger to bits, but I could stab him through the heart with a steak sometimes...
I reckon that unless the utterance was made with the same inflections that a certain 40 year old woman may use, young Mooselet has made his own conclusions...
THIS WAS REALLY HARD FOR A MONDAY MORNING!
...and I've probably come up with a load of nonsense...
for which I humbly apologise
love
hazel
x
Moose, this is tough! Much as you may want to, I would advise that you say nothing to Mrs Moose. It may be that Mooselet #2 did hear her mutter to herself "everything gets left to me" or words to that effect - you know how we can do that sometimes. But I think you should let it go.
Good advice from Hazel that you do some things before being asked. Mr S will help with housework if I ask him, but it would be lovely if he actually did some of it without me having to be Team Leader all the time! Mr S would tell you that he does his fair share, but he really doesn't and in the main I do accept that.
Unfortunately the problem really is that Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and we will never, and I mean never, be able to please one another! (oo-er).
Not much help, sorry !!
C xx
I agree with the previous comments Moose - say nothing, and carry on doing what you do and do more (unasked) if you can.
I love Mr L to bits but I do wish he'd volunteer to do something about the house. He does the shopping and occasionally cooks but otherwise he'll only do stuff if he's asked and quite honestly I find it easier to do it myself than to keep on asking.
Morning all,
Moose I fear however much you do already or in the future it will be never be seen as enough in the eyes of some people be that Mooselet #2 or she who must be obeyed. To try to do more is admirable but how do you know that the extra you do will be the right things or will be appreciated I the way you intended?
Now if it were me I would tackle it in this way. On the next occasion Mrs Moose asks you to do something that is not in you normal domains simply utter the words “I have to do everything” (with a smile on your face of course) if she is being sensitive about the subject this may flush out any underlying feelings. You can get out of it by saying that you were only joking. Risky I know but only the brave win….
I have been using this tactic for the last 21 years! :-)) now Mrs B understands me better …
Of course it does depend on your relationship and if you feel it worth taking the subject on. To say nothing and swallow you pride may well be the thing to do if you suspect that the context in which Mrs M has broached this matter with Mooselet #2 had been taken the wrong way my him?
Still good luck, if anyone needs me I will be in the fall out shelter with my tin hat on! ;-)))
Keep smiling
Keith the BigUn
Xx
P.S. may be just thi thing…
The sharing of marriage...
The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.
Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'
Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'
She answered
(Continue below - This is great)
'THE TEETH.'
Moose - option 1 everytime! I am really lucky as I do have a supportive other half, he has at least one day off during the week and so long as I do a list for him (which he asks me for) the jobs get done. The boys also keep their rooms tidy and change their own bedding (with our help, of course). He also get the boy's tea every night and mine too!
We sat down and watched Ice Age last evening - by the end of the film the boys were crying, as was I and hubby was sat there laughing at the 3 of us! Littlest man got a tissue and wiped middle mans eyes - aaaahhhhh!
On the theme of Chrissie's men are from mars, women are from venus - I apologise if I have put this on before but it seems somehow appropriate:
A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway.'
'You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, everything, but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently but your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.'
Now the bloke groans a bit but the doctor goes on, 'You've got £9000
compensation coming to you and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact. But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's a thousand pounds an inch.'
The bloke perks up at this.
'So the thing is' the doctor says, 'it's for you to decide how many inches you want.
But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean,
if you had a five inch one before and you decide to go for a nine
incher she might be a bit put out.
But if you had a nine inch one before and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time she might be disappointed.
So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the
decision.'
So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife and the doctor comes back the next day.
'So' says the doctor 'Have you spoken with your wife?'
'I have.' says the fellow
'And has she helped you in making the decision?'
'She has' says the bloke.
'And what is it?' asks the doctor. . .
'We're having a new kitchen
A x
Oh Moose, the problem with this dilemma is it could be down to direct observation and forming his own opinions, or his mummy letting off steam and thereby influencing his opinions. Personally to resolve this I would opt for option 4 a little light-hearted chat at an appropriate, i.e. not when either one of you are stressed, time after the kids have gone to bed. Start it with something along the lines of "Do you know what that scallywag said to me the other day", as in an amusing little anecdote about your shared interest. Otherwise option a every time!
DD out
Keith - love the joke! And I did mean to say to you towards the end of last week - well done on your weight loss which you have only told us a little about! Looking forward to the full story at your convenience.
Amanda - hilarious! I do feel sorry for men sometimes - they are wee lambs really!
C xx
Hazel, did you find an old wife? If not I will offer my services as I feel like an old wife today. It hasn't got properly light here for days now and it is getting very depressing. It is practically dark outside as I write!
Have the conkers worked thus far?
A x
Dahling...didn't get the chance to even get the things out of my handbag over the weekend. It turned into a three ring circus and I am not of my best today. There was one of those fast running jumping little about as big as half of your little finger nail ones on the bedroom which I flicked at with my slipper sock and it fell in my money tree plant. I am hoping that I will be able to have a conker laying ceremony this evening and have happier stories to report in the next couple of days.
The sun has just made it out, here. Am sending some for you.
Bette Midler is auditioning for my part in the Old Wives Club. Who would you have?
Moose, didja make your mind up yet?
love
hazel
x
Hazel - thanks but it is throwing it down with rain now - there is a little ray of sunshine coming out of my PC though!
Am getting my thinking cap on as to who I would have to play me - Bette Midler is a hard act to follow as she is my favourite actress (or are they all called actors now?. Maybe that actress who was in Silence of the Lambs - she was a tuff nut I seem to remember but I can't remember her name? Or Susan Sarandon? Size wise t'would have to be Dawn French but therein lies another story!!!
Now it is raining I am expecting a little downpour in our very incredibly wet, smelly and leaking office! I have the rubbish bins at the ready to rush to the first place to leak! Only 6 more weeks and we will be in a dry, warm, non leaky, non smelling office - can't wait! Umbrellas at the ready!
Good afternoon to you all!
A x
PS Moose - hope you have found the answer to your question! {Hugs} to you and wish you my best!
A x
Hi all, hope you are good. Hope Jo is ok and managing new motherhood ok, guess the new mancub is keeping her busy!
All i want to say is that i agree with Chrissie, and...
Men are from Mars - FACT
Women are from Venus - FACT
NEVER the two shall see eye to eye on this subject - FACT
ALWAYS the two will take each other for granted - FACT
REGULARLY the two will think they dont take each other for granted - FACT
and yet, we still CHOOSE to be with each other, despite each others foiables. There must be something in it!
xx
Hello!
Moose - I reckon you told your little Moose #2 exactly what was in your heart.
You seem to me as though you're a good Dad and wouldn't have done anything to upset the little one. No doubt you put him straight and then went and had a word with Mrs Moose!!!
I am sure he just picked up on a comment Mrs Moose made when she was cross/fed up.
T'will all be fine!
Had a date with H Sunday.... after my sons rugby tournament!
:-)))))
We had to - he was at the rugby tournament too, except he was coaching the Under 7's and refereeing, so apart from long, lingering glimpses, we didn't really see each other. Except one 5 minute chat we had, when my daughter came to me afterwards and said "Phwoar!!!"
Ah well. We'll do it again. I'm, not after anythign except a bit of fun every now and then. I have FINALLY come to the conclusion that 'happy ever after' really is just a fairytale.
No matter - I have my family and a job (for the time being!), we will be OK!
Will try and join the fun tomorrow at some point,
S xx.
Sammie, it's only happy ever after until he starts trailing his muddy princely riding boots across your freshly polished kitchen floor cinderella...even if it was the maid who polished it...
Good luck to you hon!
I have still not been able to do any conker distribution. By the time Le Badge had cooked, we'd eaten, I'd fought my way into the bomb-site, washed up(!) and he'd gorn art, I was fit to be tied, and I just KNOW there is one living either behind the wardrobe or in my dressing gown. I seed it whilst on my way out of the bedroom but was too tired to do anything...and am now too scared to unhook my dressing gown...
Moose, if you care, WASH UP AS YOU GO...
On the foible front, that is just one of the reasons I am still with the boy. But that's not for here.
ChrissieS, didja see UC?
Amanda, it looks like we've had our sun. Just started spitting.
Into NC1 go I
love
hazel
x
ps anna, your mancub must be getting big by now?
Hiya,
Hazel - thank you for asking - I did indeed watch UC! The only reason I can get through Mondays is knowing Jeremy will be there for me!
Sammie - I know just what you mean about the happy ever after. When I got married at 19 I really thought my life would consist of making love every day and living in a cottage with roses around the door. Real life is just not like that, is it? But I do know I have been very lucky. Mr S and I were madly in love when we first met and we still love each other today - but there have been some terrible times along the way. Life can be really difficult and you've had your fair share of that. Just you enjoy your fun with H and if anything else comes of it, that will be lovely!
Have a good day, all.
C xx
Hazel - no spitting please. One of those CCTV cameras with a speaker attached will start shouting at you.
I've just been sent this, and it kind of goes along with previous posts about who does what so I thought I'd share it with you (sorry boys - no offence intended).
THE WORLDS SHORTEST FAIRY TALE
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"
The girl said, "NO!"
And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, lunching, drank martinis. Always had a clean house, never had to cook, had sex with whomever she pleased. Did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, travelled more, had many boy friends, saved more money, and had all the hot water to herself.
She watched chick flicks, never wore lacy lingerie that went up her a*se, had high self-esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants, and farted whenever she wanted.
The End
I may be back later, or alternatively will just go and sit in NC1 with the others.
Blimey right? Twenty years ago (after Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play), this very morning, I was still alive thanks to a baby's bedroom door.
The weather, I'm sure, appreciates the anniversary, coz it's blimmin windy and precipeeing down LOADS! Forget spitting. This is the real deal. Am just being shouted at by boss instead, and analog, he just THINKS he knows what I'm doing...he can't akshully see...
Shall be emulating the old lady with the prophylactic in a short while. I'm needing one that will go over a camel.
In the meantime, it'd be very strange indeed if there were another hurricane today.
Wouldn't it
love
hazel
x
Analog - excellent!
I sometimes do wonder would have happened if I had said "no"?! I definitely fancy the idea of martinis and never cooking again .... not to mention the farting!
C xx
Thanks for all your advice...
The thing is, I already (in my little world at least) do the vast majority of the...
Shopping
Cooking
Ironing (mine and the boys - she doesn't have any)
Washing Up (as I go and fill/empty the dishwasher)
Hoovering
My own washing
I get the boys up most mornings including breakfast, I get their tea most nights except when they are out somewhere else. I do hang the washing up if I'm around when it finishes even if I didn't put it in the machine. I help them with homework.
In my little world, the majority of the work that is "left to her" is of her own creation and despite repeated attempts to help her with it, everything is refused. It always seems to me that I'd only get it wrong if I did it.
Option 1 has won so far and will probably continue to. I am convinced I do more than most guys but suspect Keith is spot on...nothing will ever be "enough".
Mooselet #2 was definitely repeating what she has said many times, not just to him but to me too. The bigger point is that I'm concerned about what other lies are getting put into their heads about me that I just haven't heard about yet...I am very careful never to vent my frustrations with her at or within earshot of the boys and I guess I just expect the same respect back.
But there is the nub again...too high expectations.
Oh and there must be an equivalent even shorter fairy tale.
A woman walks into the room naked with a crate of cold beer.
Fancy a b*** job?
The end
Sammie, ChrissieS and Hazel,
At the end of the day any woman should be made to feel that she looks like, and has the body of, the M@rks and Spinsters underwear model (the gorgeous coloured one) who is now also appearing in the N3xt catalogue (and a fine read it is too). I can sit and look at those pages for hours.
Even if she knows full well she doesn't.
As for the shortest fairy tale, I have never known a single woman who goes shopping that has ever had money left in the bank! Hence the fairy tale element I suppose!
To get a phwoar out of a daughter towards a man you are developing a relationship of whatever sort must be a real ego booster for anybody. So keep on keeping on!
Moose, Some battles just aren't worth fighting, because whatever you do or don't do, you can't win. There is always a perception of I do more than you and therefore you don't do enough. I do most of my "housework" before my wife awakens during the week, therefore she only sees the result and not the action. However, I do then cook the vast majority of the meals, about 95%, when we eat indoors (because I enjoy doing the cooking). I still get moaned at but I know what I do, and ignore it which actually frustrates her even more. Proving the point by withdrawing my housework services only produces more moaning, and trying to do all the housework only leads to "You didn't do it properly" comments. It's a fight you cannot win, raise the white flag and concentrate on what is truly important to you or both of you!
TTFN
DD out
Moose - I do not think you have too high expectations at all and if this is what is happening I think you should, by all means, address it.
Hubby and I are not perfect but I do not believe either one of us fills our boys heads with nonsense about the other either intentionally or unintentionally. If that was happening then there would definitely be words exchanged at an appropriate time.
Could this be a passing phase that she maybe doesn't realise what she is doing or has it been going on for a while? Maybe a discussion around it wouldn't go amiss.
Hazel - I can also remember the night so clearly - I was living in Shepherds Bush in a bedsit (grotty it was!) and spent most of the night awake not daring to go near the windows. I was due in work at a 600+ bedroom hotel at 7am and could hardly stand up to get there. Bits of shop fronts went flying past me as did tree branches - I didn't realise the danger then! When I got to work the power was off and the emergency generator was running out of juice - a heck of a day we had! Not an experience I would wish to repeat!
It hasn't stopped raining here (like a mucky drizzle) since yesterday and is still dark (getting on for a week now)! I know what you mean about the heavy skies as that is just what it has been like here! Our office looks out onto the edge of the Peninnes and I haven't seen the top of the nearest hill for a week now - it has been shrouded in cloud even though it is not a high peak!
Hopefully this will make you smile:
THE GAY FLIGHT ATTENDANT
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who
seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and
rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.
"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked
you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called A Princess and I take orders from no one."
To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up... B1tch."
A x
Do I have to go to NC1? It is not that bad!
Hi guys!
Just a quickie to say Hi Bye! I'm off to the rainy Bahamas tomorrow morning so wish me luck and I'll catch you all when I get back again....
Luv
Me
-x-
Moose,
Having read your comment, I have to say I really cannot fathom what Mrs Moose is on about! I don't think you can do any more and I would go so far as to say you are doing too much. I am trying not to judge your wife, but for her to let you attend to the boys most mornings and feed them most evenings is taking the p*ss! If I did this to Mr S or vice-versa, there would be a complete riot.
I know my advice was to say nothing. This was in the context of letting Mrs M know what #2 had said. But I really think some serious discussion is called for.
I'm sure she is not saying stuff to the boys because as any parent knows, the last thing you do is slag off each other to the children. Do you think she just may be taking you for granted and has no idea of the extent of it? I know that we have done this to each other and it has taken one of us to say "look, do you really know just what I'm putting into this relationship?".
I'm sure you love your wife very much and hopefully this is just a passing phase, but it's one that should be addressed.
Can I just say to you that you have given me a lot to think about in my own situation.
C xx
Afternoon all. You are right HL, the mancub is getting big. Just over 2yrs old in fact and is non-stop chatter and opinion about everything. I am working long hours at the moment, just for a few weeks and every night i get home and go to his room to give him a kiss. He doesnt know im there but i can sit and smell him, listen to his breathing and hopefully, in his heart he knows that i am around. Am looking forward to this little busy stint being over with.
And can i add to my earlier comment, a little adendum in respone to you moose. She shouldnt be saying these things - absolutely not. And IMHO the best thing to do is rise above it, confident that when the mooselets get all grown up, they will be able to judge for themselves. And they will.... I knew someone whose mum told them that their dad was a waste of space, left their mum for another woman, took all her pride posessions and was a total git. Turns out he wasnt (and isnt) any of those things. In fact he was constantly undermined, asked to leave and was given everything in order to make him go quietly. He sat tight, and had to wait a good 25 years before both his children learnt the truth. A long time maybe, and horrible for him in the meantime, but definately worth it. My poor dad. He's not half as bad as i thought he was..... my mother on the other hand.
xx
Hazel - did you get something to fit your camel? I need something similar as it's now persisting down in Bath and I have to leave the building soon with very little protection against the elephants.
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